Witty sayings I'd wished I'd thought of First.
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals .She thought we just fought world war eleven.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.
It’s far easier to forgive an enemy after you’ve got even with him.
Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that he sometimes has to eat them.
An alcoholic:- a man you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
Contraceptives: what Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.
Education:the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
Sex on the backseat of a car ------- Sheila's Wheels.
Sex with your maid _______________Employers liability.
Sex with an O.A.P -----------------------------Saga
Sex Resulting in pregnancy________General accident
Sex with animals __________________National farmers union.
Sex with a Monk ___________________Abbey Life.
Sex with Navy officer _______________Admiral Group
Sex with a transvestite _____________Confused .com
Sex with someone different_________Go Compare
Sex on the telephone_______________Direct line.
He died of cirrhosis of the liver, it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.
A Government that robs Peter to pay Paul, as a rule can calculate on the support of Paul.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge when there isn’t a river.
Is red cabbage green-grocery
Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.
A Hospital is no place to be sick.
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
I drank it.
Sincerely, the opportunist.