Do tell the tale
Do tell the tale
A while a go our mate Owen Hunter started a thread which ran for quite a time. Its idea was simple, he started a story then everyone added to it, most of the posts were very funny. So Im being very original & trying to start it off again (Owen the royalty check is in the post). I will start a tale & the idea is that you take over & add to where I leave off, then someone adds to that & so on. The tale can go anyway & anywhere you like, so here goes nothing; The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ........... Over to you
A while a go our mate Owen Hunter started a thread which ran for quite a time. Its idea was simple, he started a story then everyone added to it, most of the posts were very funny. So Im being very original & trying to start it off again (Owen the royalty check is in the post). I will start a tale & the idea is that you take over & add to where I leave off, then someone adds to that & so on. The tale can go anyway & anywhere you like, so here goes nothing; The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ........... Over to you
Quoting: John (scouse) Hirons A while a go our mate Owen Hunter started a thread which ran for quite a time. It's idea was simple, he started a story then everyone added to it, most of the posts were very funny. So I'm being very original & trying to start it off again (Owen the royalty check is in the post). I will start a tale & the idea is that you take over & add to where I leave off, then someone adds to that & so on. The tale can go anyway & anywhere you like, so here goes nothing; The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ........... Over to you ... stumbled back to his cabin after a night of heavy drinking. Hed enjoyed himself at the stag do in the forest but now he was home he felt sad bacause he had no one deer to return to....
Quoting: Pamela Forbes ... stumbled back to his cabin after a night of heavy drinking. He'd enjoyed himself at the stag do in the forest but now he was home he felt sad bacause he had no one deer to return to.... The poor fella had found it had been a very expensive evening for no return except a hangover to follow in the morning.
The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ... stumbled back to his cabin after a night of heavy drinking. He'd enjoyed himself at the stag do in the forest but now he was home he felt sad bacause he had no one deer to return to.... The poor fella had found it had been a very expensive evening for no return except a hangover to follow in the morning. He decided to stop following the hangover and return to his cabin where he had not just one but two deer waiting for him
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unfortunately on close examination he found the two deers far too old for him,one was his granmother and theother was his future mother inlaws mother
unfortunately on close examination he found the two deers far too old for him,one was his granmother and theother was his future mother inlaws mother
do tell the tale
oh no he cried, I must be hallucinating he turned away ,only to find Julie Andrews in front of him singing DOE a deer afemale deer
oh no he cried, I must be hallucinating he turned away ,only to find Julie Andrews in front of him singing DOE a deer afemale deer
Dear Mother of God he exclaimed I am supposed to be at the Airport by now, He quickly phoned a Cab and was soon sat in the back of Ali Benalis Taxi. "Are you busy, What time do you finish?" met with no reply. "Put your foot down as i have a Plane to Fly to Florida today". On hearing i was a Pilot Ali Benali suddenly became very friendly and asked me if i had ever contemplated suicide and would i be interested in meeting some of his friends in the back of a Off Licence shop........................ Last edited by john daly
"RAY" his mate who was sitting by "ME" ,not "FAR" away "SO" I said "Aye LAR" do you want some "TEA" I hav'nt much "DOUGH" left...... (I had to do a very quick editing job as John down-loaded at the same time as me) sounds like a song ??? Last edited by thomas fleming
do tell the tale
made a perect landing in florida but still had hangover,went to disney land to put the thoughts of the two old dears out of my mind,no luck,first person I saw was OLIVE OIL" my soon to be mother in laws double
made a perect landing in florida but still had hangover,went to disney land to put the thoughts of the two old dears out of my mind,no luck,first person I saw was OLIVE OIL" my soon to be mother in laws double
Big Jim stood looking at Olive through narrowed eyes. He thought- "I must remember to trim my eyebrows". Olive meant a lot to him, after all she had been Stick Insect of the Year in 1947. He swept her into his arms . . . . . . . .
Quoting: John Richards Big Jim stood looking at Olive through narrowed eyes. He thought- "I must remember to trim my eyebrows". Olive meant a lot to him, after all she had been Stick Insect of the Year in 1947. He swept her into his arms . . . . . . . . Olive screamed! "Jim, you big eedgit!" (she was a green olive ) "How many times have I warned you to be careful with that brush? .......
do tell the tale
I awoke with a start! thank god I said it was all a nightmare brought on by drinking 3 bottles of chivas regal, but wait a moment ,this is not my bedroom,its not even my house! WHERE AM I/
I awoke with a start! thank god I said it was all a nightmare brought on by drinking 3 bottles of chivas regal, but wait a moment ,this is not my bedroom,its not even my house! WHERE AM I/
"You are our guest Tommy, would you like a cigarette?. I looked around the room, the Curtains were drawn but the furniture was real. A huge hulking brute of a man stood over me with a whip (and top). "Whats your pleasure Treasure" and i knew someone very unpleasant was about to happen...............
Quoting: john daly "You are our guest Tommy, would you like a cigarette?. I looked around the room, the Curtains were drawn but the furniture was real. A huge hulking brute of a man stood over me with a whip (and top). "Whats your pleasure Treasure" and i knew someone very unpleasant was about to happen............... As the the brutish man was no other than Mike Pass & it was really him & not Owen that had the original idea things looked grim. Big Jim, being quick of mind, looked up & said.............
......... with a lisp "Hello thailer. Ooh you ARE a big boy for your mum. Are you a Royal Marine? Come on, do tell........"
Quoting: Steve Greenwood ......... with a lisp "Hello thailer. Ooh you ARE a big boy for your mum. Are you a Royal Marine? Come on, do tell........" ........or youll break the spell. And it came to PASS (plug for our sponsor), that giving Olive the brush-off was a big mistake, for the cunning girl had.............
Do tell the tale
.......the cunning girl had already reached for the handcuffs, the stick of celery and the egg whisk. Aha he thought, this could be very sticky.... TC.
.......the cunning girl had already reached for the handcuffs, the stick of celery and the egg whisk. Aha he thought, this could be very sticky.... TC.
Quoting: Terry Carey .......the cunning girl had already reached for the handcuffs, the stick of celery and the egg whisk. Aha he thought, this could be very sticky.... TC. ......for him unless he took the necessary precautions. He unzipped his kitbag, took out his trusty wet suit and proceeded climb into it. Then he unpacked his.......
Quoting: John Richards ......for him unless he took the necessary precautions. He unzipped his kitbag, took out his trusty wet suit and proceeded climb into it. Then he unpacked his....... Ladybird book What to do when the lights go out (kinky edition) & his three tubes of............
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do tell the tale
damm he said, I forgot it is thursday,[ recycling day] now I will have to keep all them empty booze bottles for another 2 weeks and the smell of rum is chronic but that is the only thing my mate roly drinks, I expect he got the habit from the RSL [retarded sailors lodge]crikey mate I must be in australia [hence roly]ow the eck did I get here? dont even remember getting on the plane,and how come ive wearing a wet suit and am carrying all these sticks of celery?
damm he said, I forgot it is thursday,[ recycling day] now I will have to keep all them empty booze bottles for another 2 weeks and the smell of rum is chronic but that is the only thing my mate roly drinks, I expect he got the habit from the RSL [retarded sailors lodge]crikey mate I must be in australia [hence roly]ow the eck did I get here? dont even remember getting on the plane,and how come ive wearing a wet suit and am carrying all these sticks of celery?
Do tell the tale
When a jobsworth from the local council came round and said: "you put out the wrong bin yesterday, so Im fining you £200 "
When a jobsworth from the local council came round and said: "you put out the wrong bin yesterday, so Im fining you £200 "
"Wake up. Mr Croneshaw" said the dental nurse. "Your extractions are all done and you can put the stick of celery down now. You wont be able to eat it until you get your new teeth fitted. Soft and mushy for you my lad!".....
do tell the tale
ime getting a bit confused now,went back to this strange mobile home,had a good look round,very large kilt with very small sporan hanging on wall must belong to a cross dresser must not judge people by the way they dress[hallooo sailor]walls very damp and spots of mold appearing all over the place. not my problem,ime due to get married tommorow in uk how am i going to get there on time? walks into forest singing :ime getting married in the morning ding dong the bells are going to chime" oh no! here comes a brut of a man with a lisp whip,what shall I do?
ime getting a bit confused now,went back to this strange mobile home,had a good look round,very large kilt with very small sporan hanging on wall must belong to a cross dresser must not judge people by the way they dress[hallooo sailor]walls very damp and spots of mold appearing all over the place. not my problem,ime due to get married tommorow in uk how am i going to get there on time? walks into forest singing :ime getting married in the morning ding dong the bells are going to chime" oh no! here comes a brut of a man with a lisp whip,what shall I do?
Quoting: raymond hall ime getting a bit confused now,went back to this strange mobile home,had a good look round,very large kilt with very small sporan hanging on wall must belong to a cross dresser must not judge people by the way they dress[hallooo sailor]walls very damp and spots of mold appearing all over the place. not my problem,ime due to get married tommorow in uk how am i going to get there on time? walks into forest singing :ime getting married in the morning ding dong the bells are going to chime" oh no! here comes a brut of a man with a lisp whip,what shall I do? Bait the hook and go fishing somewhere with the rum bottle and a good steak to BBQ beside the flooded water hole............................ ...............
do tell the tale
disclaimer!the writer wishes to say that any resemblance to actual people dead or alive is purely coincedental.ime only "telling the tale"
disclaimer!the writer wishes to say that any resemblance to actual people dead or alive is purely coincedental.ime only "telling the tale"
Quoting: raymond hall disclaimer!the writer wishes to say that any resemblance to actual people dead or alive is purely coincedental.ime only "telling the tale" Is that part of the story......Forfiet 3 bottles of rum! The fishing was very poor due to the flooding of the nearby sewage works...............
cyber family 174 just joshing
dear roly, are you fick or somfing?the disclaimer was meant to be a little bit of humour,to stop fick people from sueing me , didnt work with you, consider yourself on defaulters 0700hrs tomorrow morning,sorry cant fofeit I got the rum from you and you know what that tastes like! but never mind m8 I still loves yer ray
dear roly, are you fick or somfing?the disclaimer was meant to be a little bit of humour,to stop fick people from sueing me , didnt work with you, consider yourself on defaulters 0700hrs tomorrow morning,sorry cant fofeit I got the rum from you and you know what that tastes like! but never mind m8 I still loves yer ray
Quoting: raymond hall dear roly, are you fick or somfing?the disclaimer was meant to be a little bit of humour,to stop fick people from sueing me , didnt work with you, consider yourself on defaulters 0700hrs tomorrow morning,sorry cant fofeit I got the rum from you and you know what that tastes like! but never mind m8 I still loves yer ray Now I am worried!!!!! Lots of Flotsam and Jetsum particules were being spread far and wide by the force of the water leaking from South Australian sewage farms. Dr Pass discussed the problem with social physcopath, Terence .................
general
dear roly, surely an old matelot like you, with all your experience of water would know that water always runs DOWNHILL , you live up north and I live down south! so take a guess as to where the jetson and flotsom you say you have came from? regards ray
dear roly, surely an old matelot like you, with all your experience of water would know that water always runs DOWNHILL , you live up north and I live down south! so take a guess as to where the jetson and flotsom you say you have came from? regards ray
Roly/Ray, This thread is tell the tale can we stick to it, while its interesting to find out how the water flows down under it is killing the thread.
Quoting: Pamela Forbes "Wake up. Mr Croneshaw" said the dental nurse. "Your extractions are all done and you can put the stick of celery down now. You won't be able to eat it until you get your new teeth fitted. Soft and mushy for you my lad!"..... Sod that, thought Big Jim, soggy scrans not for me not when Ive just booked ...............
Quoting: John (scouse) Hirons Sod that, thought Big Jim, soggy scran's not for me not when I've just booked ............... ...............a table for two at the Angus Steak House and Ill need a sturdy pair of gnashers for that. Perhaps I could borrow some pearlies from...............
Quoting: John Richards ...............a table for two at the Angus Steak House and I'll need a sturdy pair of gnashers for that. Perhaps I could borrow some pearlies from............... ................that dirty old man Albert Steptoe as his son Harold would say. Recycling is my trade. You can borrow them for a fiver, he offered and............
Quoting: Marie Drew ................that dirty old man Albert Steptoe as his son Harold would say. Recycling is my trade. You can borrow them for a fiver, he offered and............ .............Ill polish them up nice and bright while Im in the bath" Theyve seen some good times, them old pearlies, I got em in a house clearance and they used to belong to.................
Do tell the tale
.....they used to belong to Rasputin or Im a monkeys uncle. Come on Uncle Terry, said King Kong as he swung his way up...... TC.
.....they used to belong to Rasputin or Im a monkeys uncle. Come on Uncle Terry, said King Kong as he swung his way up...... TC.
......to my bedroom and said Fancy a banana. I said certainly...........
Banana, with that i was back in Jamaica within the day. Stepping from the plane i was met by Prince Harry and Usain Bolt. (He looks nothing like Richard Branson) They took me past a Banana Plantation and when iasked where we were going they said. M/I. 5 have asked us to introduce you to........
Quoting: john daly Banana, with that i was back in Jamaica within the day. Stepping from the plane i was met by Prince Harry and Usain Bolt. (He looks nothing like Richard Branson) They took me past a Banana Plantation and when iasked where we were going they said. M/I. 5 have asked us to introduce you to........ .......the son of Sammy Bin Liner....... who wants to know if you are willing to be a............
Bin man. The job comes with a company car...... Well, o.k. strictly speaking its a lorry, but its a very nice lorry and you get your pick of.......
Quoting: Pamela Forbes Bin man. The job comes with a company car...... Well, o.k. strictly speaking it's a lorry, but it's a very nice lorry and you get your pick of....... the bins. The black bins, green bins, blue bins, swill bins, bin liners, bin Ladens are all to be found...
Quoting: Murray Whyte the bins. The black bins, green bins, blue bins, swill bins, bin liners, bin Ladens are all to be found... wheeling the wheely bins to the truck (we call lorries trucks). One of them, Binny Very Laden, esteemed garbologist, had not mentioned at the interview he was colour blind and mixed the yellow lid recycling bin for geen lid waste bin. Oi, wrong colour said the driver. Taking this remark the wrong way Bin Laden took a complaint to the human rights comission.........
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unfortunately for very bin laden, the commission ruled that he had been dealing in rubbish for years and should have known by thesmell alone, as it smelt just like him
unfortunately for very bin laden, the commission ruled that he had been dealing in rubbish for years and should have known by thesmell alone, as it smelt just like him
Do tell the tale
.......like him I always have problems with colours although I still dont understand why my family fell about laughing when I went out wearing a green shirt, yellow tie, brown shoes and blue trousers. Maybe it was the maroon cummerbund I had on my ......... TC.
.......like him I always have problems with colours although I still dont understand why my family fell about laughing when I went out wearing a green shirt, yellow tie, brown shoes and blue trousers. Maybe it was the maroon cummerbund I had on my ......... TC.
Quoting: Terry Carey .......like him I always have problems with colours although I still don't understand why my family fell about laughing when I went out wearing a green shirt, yellow tie, brown shoes and blue trousers. Maybe it was the maroon cummerbund I had on my ......... TC. .........pink poodle, Clarence. He was a very loyal dog who had spent 15 years serving with............
my way to the interview. Come in said Billy Smart, you are just the man we are looking for. Our lion has died and so here is the Skin, your first show is at 5.30pm. Before i knew it i was in the Cage. Things would have been O:K. if a little Bast...d called Albert had not poked me with his stick right in the ............... Last edited by john daly
I am loving this tale... Eye, So he ate him, now poor albert has got his toes pointed uppards, and Oops, the lion has burped and delivered............ Last edited by Patricia Davies
Delivered to the Local Police station as Cannibalism is not legal. The following morning he was up before the Beak and was given Bail but as he left the Court a car pulled up and Alberts Dad bundled him in and drove off at High speed, "Where are you taking me".................
.......Bury Market because they give you a fab breakfast there and then we can go and visit JD and you can give him a bit in the nether regions because its his fault you are here in the first place. Maybe that will .......................