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Do tell the tale

{{forumThread.upVotes}} Created by John (Scouse) Hirons 09 March 2012 00:47 40228 views Link  
John (Scouse) Hirons 09 March 2012 00:47
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Originally Posted by
Do tell the tale

A while a go our mate Owen Hunter started a thread which ran for quite a time. Its idea was simple, he started a story then everyone added to it, most of the posts were very funny. So Im being very original & trying to start it off again (Owen the royalty check is in the post). I will start a tale & the idea is that you take over & add to where I leave off, then someone adds to that & so on. The tale can go anyway & anywhere you like, so here goes nothing; The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ........... Over to you
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Pamela Forbes 09 March 2012 01:09
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: John (scouse) Hirons A while a go our mate Owen Hunter started a thread which ran for quite a time. It's idea was simple, he started a story then everyone added to it, most of the posts were very funny. So I'm being very original & trying to start it off again (Owen the royalty check is in the post). I will start a tale & the idea is that you take over & add to where I leave off, then someone adds to that & so on. The tale can go anyway & anywhere you like, so here goes nothing;   The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ........... Over to you ... stumbled back to his cabin after a night of heavy drinking. Hed enjoyed himself at the stag do in the forest but now he was home he felt sad bacause he had no one deer to return to....
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Roly01 09 March 2012 05:38
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Pamela Forbes    ... stumbled back to his cabin after a night of heavy drinking.  He'd enjoyed himself at the stag do in the forest but now he was home he felt sad bacause he had no one deer to return to.... The poor fella had found it had been a very expensive evening for no return except a hangover to follow in the morning.
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Murray Whyte 09 March 2012 08:13
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Originally Posted by
The sun was just rising over the Big blue mountain when a ray of sunlight outlined the lonely figure of Big Jim Croneshaw as he ... stumbled back to his cabin after a night of heavy drinking. He'd enjoyed himself at the stag do in the forest but now he was home he felt sad bacause he had no one deer to return to.... The poor fella had found it had been a very expensive evening for no return except a hangover to follow in the morning. He decided to stop following the hangover and return to his cabin where he had not just one but two deer waiting for him
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 08:32
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Originally Posted by
tell the tale

unfortunately on close examination he found the two deers far too old for him,one was his granmother and theother was his future mother inlaws mother
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 09:09
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

oh no he cried, I must be hallucinating he turned away ,only to find Julie Andrews in front of him singing DOE a deer afemale deer
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..... 09 March 2012 11:06
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Originally Posted by
Dear Mother of God he exclaimed I am supposed to be at the Airport by now, He quickly phoned a Cab and was soon sat in the back of Ali Benalis Taxi. "Are you busy, What time do you finish?" met with no reply. "Put your foot down as i have a Plane to Fly to Florida today". On hearing i was a Pilot Ali Benali suddenly became very friendly and asked me if i had ever contemplated suicide and would i be interested in meeting some of his friends in the back of a Off Licence shop........................ Last edited by john daly
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Scouse 09 March 2012 11:06
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Originally Posted by
"RAY" his mate who was sitting by "ME" ,not "FAR" away "SO" I said "Aye LAR" do you want some "TEA" I hav'nt  much "DOUGH" left...... (I had to do a very quick editing job as John down-loaded at the same time as me) sounds like a song ??? Last edited by thomas fleming
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 11:28
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

made a perect landing in florida but still had hangover,went to disney land to put the thoughts of the two old dears out of my mind,no luck,first person I saw was OLIVE OIL" my soon to be mother in laws double
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John Richards 09 March 2012 12:38
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Originally Posted by
Big Jim stood looking at Olive through narrowed eyes. He thought- "I must remember to trim my eyebrows". Olive meant a lot to him, after all she had been Stick Insect of the Year in 1947. He swept her into his arms . . . . . . . .
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Pamela Forbes 09 March 2012 13:04
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: John Richards Big Jim stood looking at Olive through narrowed eyes. He thought- "I must remember to trim my eyebrows". Olive meant a lot to him, after all she had been Stick Insect of the Year in 1947. He swept her into his arms . . . . . . . . Olive screamed! "Jim, you big eedgit!" (she was a green olive ) "How many times have I warned you to be careful with that brush? .......
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 13:18
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

I awoke with a start! thank god I said it was all a nightmare brought on by drinking 3 bottles of chivas regal, but wait a moment ,this is not my bedroom,its not even my house! WHERE AM I/
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..... 09 March 2012 14:17
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Originally Posted by
"You are our guest Tommy, would you like a cigarette?. I looked around the room, the Curtains were drawn but the furniture was real. A huge hulking brute of a man stood over me with a whip (and top). "Whats your pleasure Treasure" and i knew someone very unpleasant was about to happen...............
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John (Scouse) Hirons 09 March 2012 14:28
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: john daly "You are our guest Tommy, would you like a cigarette?. I looked around the room, the Curtains were drawn but the furniture was real.   A huge hulking brute of a man stood over me with a whip (and top). "Whats your pleasure Treasure" and i knew someone very unpleasant was about to happen............... As the the brutish man was no other than Mike Pass & it was really him & not Owen that had the original idea things looked grim. Big Jim, being quick of mind, looked up & said.............
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Steve Greenwood 09 March 2012 14:41
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Originally Posted by
......... with a lisp "Hello thailer. Ooh you ARE a big boy for your mum. Are you a Royal Marine? Come on, do tell........"
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John Richards 09 March 2012 15:09
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Steve Greenwood ......... with a lisp "Hello thailer. Ooh  you ARE a big boy for your mum. Are you a Royal Marine? Come on, do tell........" ........or youll break the spell. And it came to PASS (plug for our sponsor), that giving Olive the brush-off was a big mistake, for the cunning girl had.............
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Terry Carey 09 March 2012 15:40
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Originally Posted by
Do tell the tale

.......the cunning girl had already reached for the handcuffs, the stick of celery and the egg whisk. Aha he thought, this could be very sticky.... TC.
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John Richards 09 March 2012 17:28
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Terry Carey .......the cunning girl had already reached for the handcuffs, the stick of celery and the egg whisk.  Aha he thought, this could be very sticky.... TC. ......for him unless he took the necessary precautions. He unzipped his kitbag, took out his trusty wet suit and proceeded climb into it. Then he unpacked his.......
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John (Scouse) Hirons 09 March 2012 18:20
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: John Richards ......for him unless he took the necessary precautions. He unzipped his kitbag, took out his trusty wet suit and proceeded climb into it. Then he unpacked his....... Ladybird book What to do when the lights go out (kinky edition) & his three tubes of............
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..... 09 March 2012 18:35
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Originally Posted by
Tubes of Toothpaste then he reached for the Dental Floss but Floss was too quick for him and ran outside. As he chased after her he never saw the Refuse Truck until it was too late.........
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Ally Bell 09 March 2012 21:55
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Originally Posted by
to remember if it was blue bin day or brown bin day did big jim give a sh*t. no he said,it will be paddy,s day soon and we will all be up for it ,or what ever......
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 21:57
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

damm he said, I forgot it is thursday,[ recycling day] now I will have to keep all them empty booze bottles for another 2 weeks and the smell of rum is chronic but that is the only thing my mate roly drinks, I expect he got the habit from the RSL [retarded sailors lodge]crikey mate I must be in australia [hence roly]ow the eck did I get here? dont even remember getting on the plane,and how come ive wearing a wet suit and am carrying all these sticks of celery?
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Cave Adsum 09 March 2012 23:03
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Originally Posted by
Do tell the tale

When a jobsworth from the local council came round and said: "you put out the wrong bin yesterday, so Im fining you £200 "
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Pamela Forbes 09 March 2012 23:12
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Originally Posted by
"Wake up. Mr Croneshaw" said the dental nurse. "Your extractions are all done and you can put the stick of celery down now. You wont be able to eat it until you get your new teeth fitted. Soft and mushy for you my lad!".....
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 23:16
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

ime getting a bit confused now,went back to this strange mobile home,had a good look round,very large kilt with very small sporan hanging on wall must belong to a cross dresser must not judge people by the way they dress[hallooo sailor]walls very damp and spots of mold appearing all over the place. not my problem,ime due to get married tommorow in uk how am i going to get there on time? walks into forest singing :ime getting married in the morning ding dong the bells are going to chime" oh no! here comes a brut of a man with a lisp whip,what shall I do?
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Roly01 09 March 2012 23:32
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: raymond hall ime getting a bit confused  now,went back to this strange  mobile home,had a good look round,very large kilt with very small sporan hanging on wall must belong to a cross dresser  must not  judge people by the way they dress[hallooo sailor]walls very damp and spots of mold appearing all over the place. not my problem,ime due to get married tommorow in uk how am i going to get there on time? walks into forest singing :ime getting married in the morning ding dong the bells are going to chime" oh no! here comes a brut of a man with a lisp whip,what shall I do? Bait the hook and go fishing somewhere with the rum bottle and a good steak to BBQ beside the flooded water hole............................ ...............
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Raymond Hall 09 March 2012 23:50
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

disclaimer!the writer wishes to say that any resemblance to actual people dead or alive is purely coincedental.ime only "telling the tale"
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Roly01 10 March 2012 07:10
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: raymond hall disclaimer!the writer wishes to say that any resemblance to actual people dead or alive is purely coincedental.ime  only "telling the tale" Is that part of the story......Forfiet 3 bottles of rum! The fishing was very poor due to the flooding of the nearby sewage works...............
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Raymond Hall 10 March 2012 07:38
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Originally Posted by
cyber family 174 just joshing

dear roly, are you fick or somfing?the disclaimer was meant to be a little bit of humour,to stop fick people from sueing me , didnt work with you, consider yourself on defaulters 0700hrs tomorrow morning,sorry cant fofeit I got the rum from you and you know what that tastes like! but never mind m8 I still loves yer ray
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Roly01 10 March 2012 08:53
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: raymond hall dear roly, are you fick or somfing?the  disclaimer was meant to be a little bit of humour,to stop fick people from sueing me , didnt work with you, consider yourself  on defaulters 0700hrs tomorrow morning,sorry cant fofeit  I got the rum from you and you know what that tastes like! but never mind m8 I still loves yer  ray Now I am worried!!!!! Lots of Flotsam and Jetsum particules were being spread far and wide by the force of the water leaking from South Australian sewage farms. Dr Pass discussed the problem with social physcopath, Terence .................
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Raymond Hall 10 March 2012 09:11
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Originally Posted by
general

dear roly, surely an old matelot like you, with all your experience of water would know that water always runs DOWNHILL , you live up north and I live down south! so take a guess as to where the jetson and flotsom you say you have came from? regards ray
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John (Scouse) Hirons 10 March 2012 14:22
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Originally Posted by
Roly/Ray, This thread is tell the tale can we stick to it, while its interesting to find out how the water flows down under it is killing the thread.
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John (Scouse) Hirons 10 March 2012 14:29
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Pamela Forbes   "Wake up. Mr Croneshaw" said the dental nurse.  "Your extractions are all done  and you can put the stick of celery down now. You won't be able to eat it until you get your new teeth fitted. Soft and mushy for you my lad!".....     Sod that, thought Big Jim, soggy scrans not for me not when Ive just booked ...............
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John Richards 10 March 2012 17:05
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: John (scouse) Hirons Sod that, thought Big Jim, soggy scran's not for me not when I've just booked ............... ...............a table for two at the Angus Steak House and Ill need a sturdy pair of gnashers for that. Perhaps I could borrow some pearlies from...............
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Marie Drew 10 March 2012 17:33
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: John Richards ...............a table for two at the Angus Steak House and I'll need a sturdy pair of gnashers for that. Perhaps I could borrow some pearlies from............... ................that dirty old man Albert Steptoe as his son Harold would say. Recycling is my trade. You can borrow them for a fiver, he offered and............
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John Richards 10 March 2012 17:45
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Marie Drew ................that dirty old man Albert Steptoe as his son Harold would say.  Recycling is my trade. You can borrow them for a fiver, he offered and............ .............Ill polish them up nice and bright while Im in the bath" Theyve seen some good times, them old pearlies, I got em in a house clearance and they used to belong to.................
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Terry Carey 10 March 2012 17:48
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Originally Posted by
Do tell the tale

.....they used to belong to Rasputin or Im a monkeys uncle. Come on Uncle Terry, said King Kong as he swung his way up...... TC.
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The Scottish Tornado 10 March 2012 18:17
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Originally Posted by
......to my bedroom and said Fancy a banana. I said certainly...........
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..... 10 March 2012 18:55
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Originally Posted by
Banana, with that i was back in Jamaica within the day. Stepping from the plane i was met by Prince Harry and Usain Bolt. (He looks nothing like Richard Branson) They took me past a Banana Plantation and when iasked where we were going they said. M/I. 5 have asked us to introduce you to........
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Cave Adsum 10 March 2012 22:29
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: john daly Banana, with that i was back in Jamaica within the day. Stepping from the plane i was met by Prince Harry and Usain Bolt. (He looks nothing like Richard Branson) They took me past a Banana Plantation and when iasked where we were going they said. M/I. 5 have asked us to introduce you to........ .......the son of Sammy Bin Liner....... who wants to know if you are willing to be a............
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Pamela Forbes 10 March 2012 23:12
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Originally Posted by
Bin man. The job comes with a company car...... Well, o.k. strictly speaking its a lorry, but its a very nice lorry and you get your pick of.......
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Murray Whyte 11 March 2012 00:08
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Pamela Forbes Bin man.   The job comes with a company car......   Well, o.k. strictly speaking it's a lorry,  but it's a very nice lorry and you get your pick of....... the bins. The black bins, green bins, blue bins, swill bins, bin liners, bin Ladens are all to be found...
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Spud 11 March 2012 07:04
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Murray Whyte the bins. The black bins, green bins, blue bins, swill bins, bin liners, bin Ladens are all to be found... wheeling the wheely bins to the truck (we call lorries trucks). One of them, Binny Very Laden, esteemed garbologist, had not mentioned at the interview he was colour blind and mixed the yellow lid recycling bin for geen lid waste bin. Oi, wrong colour said the driver. Taking this remark the wrong way Bin Laden took a complaint to the human rights comission.........
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Raymond Hall 11 March 2012 07:55
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Originally Posted by
do tell the tale

unfortunately for very bin laden, the commission ruled that he had been dealing in rubbish for years and should have known by thesmell alone, as it smelt just like him
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Terry Carey 11 March 2012 15:05
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Originally Posted by
Do tell the tale

.......like him I always have problems with colours although I still dont understand why my family fell about laughing when I went out wearing a green shirt, yellow tie, brown shoes and blue trousers. Maybe it was the maroon cummerbund I had on my ......... TC.
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John Richards 11 March 2012 15:20
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Originally Posted by
Quoting: Terry Carey .......like him I always have problems with colours although I still don't understand why my family fell about laughing when I went out wearing a green shirt, yellow tie, brown shoes and blue trousers.  Maybe it was the maroon cummerbund I had on my ......... TC.   .........pink poodle, Clarence. He was a very loyal dog who had spent 15 years serving with............
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..... 11 March 2012 15:24
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Originally Posted by
my way to the interview. Come in said Billy Smart, you are just the man we are looking for. Our lion has died and so here is the Skin, your first show is at 5.30pm. Before i knew it i was in the Cage. Things would have been O:K. if a little Bast...d called Albert had not poked me with his stick right in the ............... Last edited by john daly
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The Huntress 11 March 2012 18:21
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Originally Posted by
I am loving this tale... Eye, So he ate him, now poor albert has got his toes pointed uppards, and Oops, the lion has burped and delivered............ Last edited by Patricia Davies
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..... 11 March 2012 20:51
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Originally Posted by
Delivered to the Local Police station as Cannibalism is not legal. The following morning he was up before the Beak and was given Bail but as he left the Court a car pulled up and Alberts Dad bundled him in and drove off at High speed, "Where are you taking me".................
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The Scottish Tornado 11 March 2012 21:32
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Originally Posted by
.......Bury Market because they give you a fab breakfast there and then we can go and visit JD and you can give him a bit in the nether regions because its his fault you are here in the first place. Maybe that will .......................
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