SCOUSE HUMOUR
I read in the newspaper that there is an extreme shortage of 'painkillers' in the jungle.
Large quantities are sent out and distributed, but quickly disappear.
Where do all these 'painkillers' go ?
Apparently the PARROTS EAT 'EM'ALL !
Large quantities are sent out and distributed, but quickly disappear.
Where do all these 'painkillers' go ?
Apparently the PARROTS EAT 'EM'ALL !
Originally Posted by Syd Jones
Nice one Syd, just love it !!
A prisoner is asked what he wants for his last meal before his execution in the morning.
He says "Four jars of two year old roll-mops".
They tell him they don't have that in stock so he tells them he is prepared to wait.
They find some out of date ones - but he insists they must be two years old. They postpone his execution until his last meal is ready.
He greedily scoffs down every last drop. On the morning of his execution he has explosive diarrhoea. The doctors say his execution must be postponed until his health improves.
The next day he is fully recovered so they reschedule his execution and ask him what he wants for his least meal this time.
He says "Same as last time!"
He says "Four jars of two year old roll-mops".
They tell him they don't have that in stock so he tells them he is prepared to wait.
They find some out of date ones - but he insists they must be two years old. They postpone his execution until his last meal is ready.
He greedily scoffs down every last drop. On the morning of his execution he has explosive diarrhoea. The doctors say his execution must be postponed until his health improves.
The next day he is fully recovered so they reschedule his execution and ask him what he wants for his least meal this time.
He says "Same as last time!"
The morning of his execution he is told he can have any thing he likes. He is still waiting for it when the Chaplin comes in and says "Are you Ready my Son" the man replies I have not had had my Breakfast yet. The Chaplin says he will go and see about it. Then the Guards who have spent the last few weeks with him come in the Cell,shake his hand and say that he has been a model prisoner. He tells them he has not had his Breakfast yet so the they will tell the Govenor. Finally in comes the Executioner Pierpoint and says "Come on Lad, time to go the Prisoner protests saying "Do you know that i have not had my Breakfast" to which the Hangman says "My job here is to make sure you don't get your dinner"
...............................................................................................................................................................................
Same scene as above but as the two of them cross the yard to the scaffold in the pouring rain the Prisoner says "I am getting soaking wet here, the might at least have given me a raincoat" The Executioner says "Stop complaining I have to walk back across the Yard"
...............................................................................................
The condemned man is stood on the Scaffold and the Governor asks "Any last requests ?" The prisoner says Could you put the rope around my waist"
...............................................................................................................................................................................
Same scene as above but as the two of them cross the yard to the scaffold in the pouring rain the Prisoner says "I am getting soaking wet here, the might at least have given me a raincoat" The Executioner says "Stop complaining I have to walk back across the Yard"
...............................................................................................
The condemned man is stood on the Scaffold and the Governor asks "Any last requests ?" The prisoner says Could you put the rope around my waist"
A fellow named Dennis is at the movies, seeing a new film that's the talk of the town. It's a few weeks into the film's run, so it's just him and a couple other people in the theater, as well as a man who is sitting next to a large dog. He figures this is a service animal or something, and pays it no mind.
But as the lights dim and the movie starts, his attention goes to the dog more and more. A fascinating thing happens: The dog appears to understand the film perfectly. Its tongue hangs out in a wide doggy smile when a character tells a funny joke. It growls apprehensively when the villain shows up. At particularly sad moments, it lets out a little sad howl. At the end, when the hero triumphs it gives a few happy barks of celebration.
At this point Dennis is much more interested in this strangely singular dog than in the film itself.
When the credits roll and the lights come up and everyone is sort of shuffling out of the theater, he decides he simply must talk to the owner of this impressive creature.
"Sir" says Dennis "Sir, please pardon the intrusion. I just wanted to come over and say that I find your dog's behavior simply unbelievable!"
"Frankly, so do I" says the man. "He hated the book!"
But as the lights dim and the movie starts, his attention goes to the dog more and more. A fascinating thing happens: The dog appears to understand the film perfectly. Its tongue hangs out in a wide doggy smile when a character tells a funny joke. It growls apprehensively when the villain shows up. At particularly sad moments, it lets out a little sad howl. At the end, when the hero triumphs it gives a few happy barks of celebration.
At this point Dennis is much more interested in this strangely singular dog than in the film itself.
When the credits roll and the lights come up and everyone is sort of shuffling out of the theater, he decides he simply must talk to the owner of this impressive creature.
"Sir" says Dennis "Sir, please pardon the intrusion. I just wanted to come over and say that I find your dog's behavior simply unbelievable!"
"Frankly, so do I" says the man. "He hated the book!"
A little town in the middle of nowhere had a sensational birth rate and scientists decided to visit the place to find out the cause. So, the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the town's high birth rate.
The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waiter delivered his drink, the scientist detained him for a moment and asked "Can you give me an idea was to why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?"
The waiter thought a moment, then said "I think I can. You see, every morning at 4:00, a train comes through town and blows its whistle at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up".
The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waiter delivered his drink, the scientist detained him for a moment and asked "Can you give me an idea was to why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?"
The waiter thought a moment, then said "I think I can. You see, every morning at 4:00, a train comes through town and blows its whistle at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up".
Four old guys are walking down a street. They turn a corner and see a sign that says:
"OLD TIMERS BAR - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS".
They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says "That'll be 10 cents each, please". They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying "That's 40 cents, please". They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally, one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor and always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, all the same".
"Wow!! That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender "What's with them?"
The bartender says "Oh, them... they're pensioners. They're waiting for happy hour!"
"OLD TIMERS BAR - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS".
They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says "That'll be 10 cents each, please". They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying "That's 40 cents, please". They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally, one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor and always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, all the same".
"Wow!! That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender "What's with them?"
The bartender says "Oh, them... they're pensioners. They're waiting for happy hour!"
Another one to tickle the taste buds
.jpg)
The Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!
------------------------------------------------
My wife last night whispered
In my ear for to tell her some dirty words.
I said the dishes the
Floors the cabinets etc.
----------------------------------------
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!
------------------------------------------------
My wife last night whispered
In my ear for to tell her some dirty words.
I said the dishes the
Floors the cabinets etc.
----------------------------------------
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today! You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession".
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop" says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen" said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop" says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen" said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
Subject: Very Politically Incorrect
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
Anyone got an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!
My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me
My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.
Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her make up.
My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
Anyone got an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!
My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me
My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.
Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her make up.
My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous
destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I
know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no
for an answer'.
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly
accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?'
destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I
know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no
for an answer'.
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly
accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?'
.jpg)
Originally Posted by Bob (Tuffy ) Draper
Love it Bob (but then I would !!!).
Here is another for you to smile at Rosemary
.jpg)
Originally Posted by Bob (Tuffy ) Draper
Thanks Bob, I'm grinning from ear to ear !!
Isn't that photo on the left showing where we are supposed to have our brains?
Originally Posted by Terry Carey
That's where all men think their brains are Terry !!
Found another funny one this morning
.jpg)
Originally Posted by Bob (Tuffy ) Draper
Thanks again, Bob. Keep 'em coming!!
ILLEGAL POEM
By Illegal Immigrants in usa
I cross river,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.
Nice man
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare.
Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
Right to your door.
Welfare checks,
They make you wealthy,
Medicaid
It keep you healthy!
By and by,
Got plenty money,
Thanks to you; TAXPAYER dummy.
Write to friends
In motherland,
Tell them
"come, fast as you can"
They come in buses
And Chevy trucks,
I buy big house
With welfare bucks.
They come here,
We live together,
More welfare checks,
It gets even better!
Fourteen families,
They moving in,
But neighbor's patience
Wearing thin.
Finally, white guy
Moves away
..
I buy his house,
And then I say,
"Find more aliens
For house to rent."
In my yard
I pitch a tent.
Send for family
They just trash,
But they, too,
Draw welfare cash!
Everything is
Very good,
Soon we own
Whole neighborhood.
We have hobby
We call it breeding,
Welfare pay
For baby feeding.
Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
TAXPAYER crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
Running here.
We think America
Darn good place!
Too darn good
For white man race
If they no like us,
They can go,
Got lots of room
In Mexico.
EVERY TAXPAYER KNOWS
By Illegal Immigrants in usa
I cross river,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.
Nice man
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare.
Welfare say,
'You come no more,
We send cash
Right to your door.
Welfare checks,
They make you wealthy,
Medicaid
It keep you healthy!
By and by,
Got plenty money,
Thanks to you; TAXPAYER dummy.
Write to friends
In motherland,
Tell them
"come, fast as you can"
They come in buses
And Chevy trucks,
I buy big house
With welfare bucks.
They come here,
We live together,
More welfare checks,
It gets even better!
Fourteen families,
They moving in,
But neighbor's patience
Wearing thin.
Finally, white guy
Moves away
..
I buy his house,
And then I say,
"Find more aliens
For house to rent."
In my yard
I pitch a tent.
Send for family
They just trash,
But they, too,
Draw welfare cash!
Everything is
Very good,
Soon we own
Whole neighborhood.
We have hobby
We call it breeding,
Welfare pay
For baby feeding.
Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
TAXPAYER crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
Running here.
We think America
Darn good place!
Too darn good
For white man race
If they no like us,
They can go,
Got lots of room
In Mexico.
EVERY TAXPAYER KNOWS
I was standing at the bar at the RSL one night, minding my own business.
This quite hefty, very plain looking woman came up behind me, grabbed my arse and said, "You are very cute. Do you have a phone number?"
I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"
She said, "Yes, I’ve got a pen".
I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you're over seventy five...............who cares?
****************
I went to the chemist and told the girl behind the counter, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady assistant: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?
I said "No... She's pretty good looking....."
When you're over seventy five.............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the RSL last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there, instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you're over seventy five..............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born, just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
It cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you're over seventy five...............who cares?
*****************
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The attendant shouted at me so loudly, through a loud hailer - I nearly fell in.
When you're over seventy five...............who cares?
*******************
I went to our RSL last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you're over seventy five..............who cares?
********************
This quite hefty, very plain looking woman came up behind me, grabbed my arse and said, "You are very cute. Do you have a phone number?"
I said, "Yes, do you have a pen?"
She said, "Yes, I’ve got a pen".
I said, "Then you better get back into it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you're over seventy five...............who cares?
****************
I went to the chemist and told the girl behind the counter, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady assistant: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?
I said "No... She's pretty good looking....."
When you're over seventy five.............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the RSL last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there, instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you're over seventy five..............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born, just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
It cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you're over seventy five...............who cares?
*****************
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The attendant shouted at me so loudly, through a loud hailer - I nearly fell in.
When you're over seventy five...............who cares?
*******************
I went to our RSL last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you're over seventy five..............who cares?
********************
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line
F is for farting and fluid retention,
G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, I think that’s about sex
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me my tablets and I'll be good as new
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless, just counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y’s another year I’ve just left behind,
Z is for zest I still have......in my mind!
B's the bad back,
C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line
F is for farting and fluid retention,
G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.
H high blood pressure - I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L 's for libido, I think that’s about sex
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me my tablets and I'll be good as new
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless, just counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..
W for worry, now what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y’s another year I’ve just left behind,
Z is for zest I still have......in my mind!
Originally Posted by Pamela Forbes
Thank you Pamela, just brilliant !! 'G' is also for GPs who haven't a clue, I should know, I've met one or two !!!!!!!!!
The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Brexiters had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that May’s proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anaesthesiologists thought it was all a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Brexiters had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that May’s proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anaesthesiologists thought it was all a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last, they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last, they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.