Large quantities are sent out and distributed, but quickly disappear.
Where do all these 'painkillers' go ?
Apparently the PARROTS EAT 'EM'ALL !
He says "Four jars of two year old roll-mops".
They tell him they don't have that in stock so he tells them he is prepared to wait.
They find some out of date ones - but he insists they must be two years old. They postpone his execution until his last meal is ready.
He greedily scoffs down every last drop. On the morning of his execution he has explosive diarrhoea. The doctors say his execution must be postponed until his health improves.
The next day he is fully recovered so they reschedule his execution and ask him what he wants for his least meal this time.
He says "Same as last time!"
Same scene as above but as the two of them cross the yard to the scaffold in the pouring rain the Prisoner says "I am getting soaking wet here, the might at least have given me a raincoat" The Executioner says "Stop complaining I have to walk back across the Yard"
The condemned man is stood on the Scaffold and the Governor asks "Any last requests ?" The prisoner says Could you put the rope around my waist"
But as the lights dim and the movie starts, his attention goes to the dog more and more. A fascinating thing happens: The dog appears to understand the film perfectly. Its tongue hangs out in a wide doggy smile when a character tells a funny joke. It growls apprehensively when the villain shows up. At particularly sad moments, it lets out a little sad howl. At the end, when the hero triumphs it gives a few happy barks of celebration.
At this point Dennis is much more interested in this strangely singular dog than in the film itself.
When the credits roll and the lights come up and everyone is sort of shuffling out of the theater, he decides he simply must talk to the owner of this impressive creature.
"Sir" says Dennis "Sir, please pardon the intrusion. I just wanted to come over and say that I find your dog's behavior simply unbelievable!"
"Frankly, so do I" says the man. "He hated the book!"
The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waiter delivered his drink, the scientist detained him for a moment and asked "Can you give me an idea was to why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?"
The waiter thought a moment, then said "I think I can. You see, every morning at 4:00, a train comes through town and blows its whistle at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up".
"OLD TIMERS BAR - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS".
They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says "That'll be 10 cents each, please". They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying "That's 40 cents, please". They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally, one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor and always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, all the same".
"Wow!! That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender "What's with them?"
The bartender says "Oh, them... they're pensioners. They're waiting for happy hour!"
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!
My wife last night whispered
In my ear for to tell her some dirty words.
I said the dishes the
Floors the cabinets etc.
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop" says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!" said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen" said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!" said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin "I'm a lollipop salesman!"